Helping Kids Navigate Tragic Shootings at Schools and Other Events

How parents and caregivers can help

Put your own oxygen mask on first

After an event like this, you are likely experiencing all sorts of emotions: shock, sadness, anger, frustration, helplessness and more. Give yourself time to process your own reactions, by yourself or with a trusted friend or counselor. By creating space for yourself, you will be better able to help your kids express their feelings without mixing them up with your own. 

Ask questions before giving answers 

Just as you have an initial reaction when you learn about something horrible happening, kids will have their own reactions, too. They may share some of your thoughts and feelings, or they may have completely different concerns. Before you jump in with information and advice, start by asking what they have heard. Then, ask them if they have any questions. The more listening you do, the better. 

Let your child know they are safe

Unexpected, traumatic events can cause a child to worry and be scared. It is common for children to think something bad may happen to them following a scary event. Let them know you are there for them. They will be comforted by extra hugs and extra time spent together. Let them know that you and safety officials are working to keep them safe and secure. Older kids may express distress that shootings keep happening, and it’s reasonable to acknowledge they have reason to be frustrated. If appropriate, make a safety plan together as a family.

Consider what they need 

Every kid is different and there is no one-size-fits-all approach to conversations about traumatic events. You, as their parent or caregiver, know them best, and can take into consideration things that will affect how they process difficult news.

Age and developmental level
Younger children usually need less detail when you discuss the event. Keep it brief, be clear and honest and stay open to their questions. School-aged kids and teens will probably want more information. Generally speaking, you can tell them what happened and where, and what is being done to deal with the situation.  

No matter what age the child is, it is important to help them feel safe, validate their feelings and let them know they can come to you with concerns. 

Temperament
Just as there is no one right way to talk to kids about difficult news, there is no right way for them to react to that news. Normal responses range from worrying aloud, to staying quiet, to appearing indifferent and everything in between. Accept their emotions and note any changes in behavior over time. 

Proximity to the traumatic event
If your family was at the event or connected to the victims, your children may need greater support over a longer period of time. Stay connected and aware of  how your child processes grief or trauma over time. Sometimes they just need someone to sit with them in the discomfort.

Learn more about caring for children who have experienced trauma.

Intellectual and developmental disabilities
Children with intellectual and developmental disabilities may react differently to news of a tragedy and may be comforted by different things than a neurotypical child. Think about what calms your child in other stressful situations and ask yourself if that approach might work in this instance.

What do I do next?

Limit exposure to disturbing media 

It is natural that many people engage in news coverage after such an impactful tragedy, sometimes for hours on end. Ideally, we want to protect kids from alarming images and videos online or on TV. Do your best to provide information about what occurred without the extra images and commentary on the news. Try to limit your own consumption of these images and don’t watch them when kids are present. If your child sees an image that upsets them, listen to how it made them feel and be ready to talk about it. Consider monitoring electronics use closely after these events to prevent accidental exposure. 

Promote their resilience

Help your kids communicate their emotions in whatever way comes naturally to them, whether through conversation, creative expression or another approach. Communicating about thoughts and feelings one time will not make everything okay. The more a child can feel safe and tell their story, the less anxious they may be when reminded of the trauma. 

As much as you can, stick to routines you had prior to the event. Knowing what comes next and being able to prepare will reduce your child’s anxiety and worries. This consistency helps kids regain a sense of normalcy and we learned during the pandemic how critical it is to keep routine in place. If possible, give kids a chance to take action and help others. This gives them a positive focus and a healthy feeling of control. 

Read, watch and listen together 

Stories can help children process traumatic or scary events in an accessible way. 

• Read the book “A Terrible Thing Happened: A Story for Children Who Have Witnessed Violence or Trauma” by Margaret M. Holmes  
• Read the book “Jenny is Scared: When Sad Things Happen in the World” by Carol Shuman and Cary Pillo 

Reassure – but not too much 

When our kids are worried, we want to reassure them – and we should. The challenge is to find the right balance of checking in and providing reassurance, but not to overdo it and accidentally increase their worry. Too much reassurance can send the message that they should be worried when they are not. Similarly, over-preparing for a disaster or safety event can be frightening for children. 

What to watch for

When a child’s reactions to trauma persist after a few weeks, they may develop post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).  It’s natural to hope that things will be fine, and to avoid seeking help. But early intervention is always better, so seek care if you are unsure. Consider talking to a health care professional if your child’s reactions continue for more than 2 to 4 weeks after the event, worsen over time, or affect their usual routines.

Common Symptoms of PTSD

• Avoiding people, places or things that bring back memories. 
• Panic symptoms (heart palpitations, rapid breathing) when not in danger. 
• Withdrawal from family or peers. 
• Changes in appearance, not taking care of personal hygiene. 
• Feeling shame or blame – “if only” thoughts. 
• Feeling sad. 
• Increased anger responses. 
• Nightmares. 
• Memories of the scary event even when they are trying not to think about it. 
• Safety concerns – thoughts or threats of self-harm or suicide. 
• Trouble with memory – not remembering directions from one homework page to the next. May not remember parts of the trauma. 
• Teens may exhibit risk-taking behaviors – using drugs or alcohol, breaking curfew. 
• Any other symptoms that interfere with daily activities. 

Find help locally

• Your child’s pediatrician or current mental health professional, if they have one. 
• The 988 Crisis Line is available 24/7. Anyone, anywhere can call, text or chat to access trained crisis counselors who can help people experiencing suicidal, substance use, and/or mental health crisis, or any other kind of emotional distress. People can also call, text or chat 988 if they are worried about a loved one who may need crisis support.
• A mental health professional (if you have health insurance, call your insurance company for a list of resources in your area). 
• Your local community mental health center.  
• A school counselor or social worker. 

Additional resources

Find helpful resources online:

•  Children’s Mercy mental health resources for kids and teens 
• American Academy of Pediatrics: Talking to Children About Tragedies and Other News Events 
• Pediatric Pandemic Network: Firearm Death and Injury 
• National Child Traumatic Stress Network: Mass Violence Resources 
• National Mass Violence Victimization Resource Center 
• Gun Safety Resources

Related articles

• Parent resources about school tragedies