How to help kids adjust to new siblings

A growing family is a new experience for everyone, grown-ups and kids alike. Having a new baby around comes with lots of change, so big emotions are understandable. As a caring parent or caregiver, you can ease the transition for kids by listening, checking in and staying consistent. No change process is perfect, so it is important to go easy on yourself, too.  

Before new sibling arrives 

Talk early and often. As soon as possible, start talking about the baby with your child. Use words like baby, sibling, brother or sister. If you are comfortable with it and you have chosen a name, start using the baby’s name with them. Ask if they have any questions. 

Be honest. It’s natural to get caught up in the excitement of bringing home a new baby. It’s great and important to share your excitement with your child. It is also important to talk about the realities of having an infant in the home. For example, talk to your child about the facts that babies will cry, require more sleep and need more support from parents for things that he or she has already mastered such as eating, toileting, etc. Normalize that life is going to look a little different and that it is okay to have different feelings about different aspects.  

Involve them in preparing for baby. Include big sister or brother in picking out toys, clothes and other supplies for baby. If you will be decorating baby’s room, involve the older sibling in the process. If your child likes to draw or create in some way, have them make a homemade gift for their new baby sibling. 

Let them practice. Some kids will want to be involved in baby’s care as much as they can. For them, it might be helpful to take a sibling preparation course offered by a hospital or to practice things like feeding or diaper changing with dolls or stuffed animals. You may even give your older child a baby of their own so they can practice next to parents when their new sibling arrives.  

Establish together-time routines.  Almost everything will change when the new baby arrives. That’s why it’s important to establish routines that an older sibling can count on staying the same. In other words, setting aside special time for the older sibling to get attention from you as their parent. It might be as simple as a parent reading to the child at bedtime or snuggling on the couch. The important thing is to make sure it’s doable so you can stay consistent, particularly after the arrival of a new baby or sibling.  

After new sibling arrives 

Give them positive attention. Praise them for being gentle, helpful and kind with their younger sibling. It is important to give them positive attention for other positive behaviors (i.e., things you want to see more often) that have nothing to do with the baby. They still want your love and attention as they had before the new baby’s arrival, and they will figure out how to get it.  

Keep them involved. If your older child likes to be helpful, give them age-appropriate tasks that help you care for their younger sibling. For example, they could gather supplies for a diaper change, pick out an outfit, hold a bottle for a feeding or simply join you and baby on the couch for a snuggle session. 

Stay calm and consistent with challenging behaviors. Don’t worry, or be surprised, if your older child starts to act differently or show some regression in previously mastered skills after the new baby comes home. It is very common for them to react in challenging ways to change.  

Common behaviors could include: 

• Tantrums 
• Baby talk 
• Feeding difficulty 
• Toileting regression 
• Aggressive/disruptive behaviors such as kicking, hitting, spitting, etc. 

Children want their parents’ attention - either positive or negative. As mentioned above, try your best to provide that attention for the behaviors that you want to see more often.  

Regarding behaviors, stick to what you have done in the past regarding handling tantrums and having setbacks in other behaviors. As mentioned above, having a new sibling in the home is incredibly exciting, but also creates a big change and transition.  

Remember that these behaviors are very common and likely temporary changes due to this big transition that is happening in the home. When other things stay consistent, it is likely that these behaviors will be temporary.  

If aggression happens toward the new sibling, it is helpful to eliminate opportunities for your child to show physical aggression toward the baby by bringing the baby with you or another caregiver when kids are together.  

With all positive behaviors, praise them for doing an awesome job with all of the new things and being an awesome big sibling! While you are giving them some positive attention, it is important to give yourself credit and a pat on the back for doing an amazing job with a big life change.  

There are tons of resources available to help with this transition. Several local hospitals even have classes for siblings to go learn about what might happen with their new siblings or while their parents are in the hospital. It can also be really helpful to incorporate books or other media to help illustrate what it might be like to be an older sibling. You’ve got this!