How to support your kids through big life changes

Most children will experience impactful life changes – “big” changes.  These might include relocation, changing schools, changes in caregivers due to loss or separation or a best friend moving away.  Even expected life transitions can be stressful and feel “big” to kids, such as a sibling leaving for college, transitioning from elementary school to middle school or having a new team or coach. 

Your goal as a parent or caregiver is to give your kids the skills and tools to navigate these changes successfully – not to prevent stress or sadness, but to help kids feel confident they can cope with these feelings and act in ways that help them adapt to change. 

Here are a few things parents and caregivers can do to help kids navigate change: 

Keep routines consistent.

Everyone copes better when daily routines are consistent and predictable - kids in particular. As much as possible, have consistent wake times, mealtimes and bedtime rituals. When other parts of life are changing, having predictable routines helps kids cope. 

Fill their tanks.

During times of change and increased stress, making sure kids have enough sleep is important. School age kids need 9-12 hours, and teens need 8-10. Try to limit sleeping in on weekends to 1-2 hours past their weekday wake time. Keep screens out of the bedroom to limit distractions and promote sleep. Stick with typical foods and eating routines and encourage activity and movement. 

Communicate and check in.

Kids and teens need clear information about what is happening, and how it will impact them. Share information in a matter-of-fact way and acknowledge emotions everyone may be feeling (including you). Be sure to keep information for grown-ups between the grown-ups. Be clear about decisions that will be made by the adults in the situation, and decisions or choices that are appropriate for kids and can give them some control. Kids and teens ask questions and seek out discussion on their own timeline; encourage them to ask questions or let you know if they want to talk. Provide opportunities for one-on-one time. Finally, we all need reassurance from time to time, but excessive reassurance can lead to anxious feelings. 

Make time for social support.

Tapping into social support is a common way kids cope with stress and uncertainty. Making a point to find time for kids to see friends, in person, is helpful. Avoid allowing the need for social support to erode household rules about screens, texting and social media (24/7 access to friends undermines routines and rest). Consider if there are close adults, like family friends or an aunt or uncle, who may be a source of support. 

Expect that your child can do hard things.

Communicating that you believe your child can do things that are hard increases their confidence. Let them know they can ask for help.  Encourage them to identify things that will help them cope. Praise active coping and label and model things you do to cope with stressful situations. 

“Starting middle school was a struggle for me. My friends played a big part in helping me figure it all out. My parents taught me that even when things are hard, they aren’t hard forever, things get better.”  --Brady, age 13