Party smart: A parent’s guide to keeping teens safe (without cramping their style)

For teens, events like school dances and sporting events are rites of passage. Often, they’re followed by another rite of passage that can be anxiety-inducing for parents: after parties. As parents, ensuring the safety of our teens when they attend parties can be a daunting task. But with communication and boundary setting, you can help your teen navigate these events safely.  

Common safety concerns 

If your teen is attending a party with their friends, you’re going to worry about their safety. While you trust your child, you can discuss the following topics with them to make sure they’re aware of their surroundings, and you can have peace of mind. 

1. Substance exposure. Even if your teen isn’t consuming alcohol (avoiding drinking is the gold standard to support), they may encounter drinks that have been laced with other substances. Your teen should also know they can politely decline drinks offered by someone else and should only consume beverages they’ve opened themselves.  Because we now see many substances laced with synthetic drugs including THC, Fentanyl, etc., encourage your teen to beware and to bring Narcan to parties, as it could save a life. If your teen notices a friend acting unusually drowsy or unresponsive, they should be prepared to use Narcan and call for medical help immediately. 
2. Staying with peers. Ensure your teen stays within the larger group and their friends know their whereabouts. For example, if your teen needs to step outside for a phone call, they should inform a friend and return promptly. If the peer group at the party has unfamiliar faces, or isn’t what your child expected, talk them through a plan to leave the party or stay extra cautious. Code words, code phrases or texts can be helpful between friends and between parents and teens.  
3. Parental awareness. Parents of teens know they value their independence. But it’s important for adults to know who is hosting the party, where it is, when it starts and how your teen will get there and back. Prepare for any deviations from this plan in advance and have a game plan with your teen if something goes sideways and they want to leave early. This could include texting or calling you with a code word you’ve agreed upon. Key tip: Ensure your teen knows they can contact you for help without fear of repercussions. Safety should always come first. 

Setting boundaries and expectations 

Discuss and negotiate expectations with your teen early on. Give them some autonomy in decision-making to help them develop the ability to make safe and informed decisions. Repeatedly demonstrate trust and responsibility. For example, allow your teen to decide on a curfew time within a reasonable range, showing you trust their judgment. 

Discuss expectations in advance. Each family may have different views on acceptable behaviors, so come to an agreement and plan for handling peer pressure. Practice dealing with tricky social situations to be better prepared. You can even role play uncomfortable scenarios and walk through ways to handle them or encourage them to role-play with friends. They often do this anyway with romantic situations.  

While technology is a helpful tool for parents of teens, it should be used with agreed-upon boundaries to avoid hurting their trust. It can be reassuring for both parents and teens when used appropriately, like only checking locations if teen isn’t responding to calls or texts. 

Navigating peer pressure 

Friends significantly impact teen behaviors – but believe it or not, so do parents. By modeling the behaviors, you expect from them, you set the standard for your teen. Your actions speak louder than your words. Still, it’s important to role-play scenarios with your teen to practice handling peer pressure. Encourage them to use tactics like fake sipping a drink or making an excuse to leave. Remind them they can always blame you if needed. “Sorry, my mom said I have to be home by 10,” is an easy “excuse” to have ready to go. 

If you’re seeing behaviors that were previously defined as out of bounds, like coming home late without explanation or being secretive about their activities, it may be a sign of peer pressure or other concerns. Take time to talk about it in the morning.  

Talking it through 

If you’re still struggling with managing expectations and boundaries with your teen related to parties, there are several communication strategies and examples you can try that will help build trust between you and your teen, and show you have confidence in them to make responsible choices.  

1. Open dialogue: Foster an environment where your teen feels comfortable discussing their plans and concerns with you.  
   • Example: Regularly check in with your teen about their social life and listen without judgment to encourage openness. 
2.  Active listening: Show genuine interest in what your teen is saying and validate their feelings. 
   • Example: If your teen expresses anxiety about a party, acknowledge their feelings and discuss ways to address their concerns together. 
3. Non-confrontational approach: Approach conversations with a calm and supportive tone to avoid defensiveness. 
   • Example: Instead of saying, "You can't go to that party," try, "Let's talk about how you can stay safe at the party." 
4. Use real examples: Share stories or scenarios to illustrate the importance of safety and responsible decision-making. 
   • Example: Discuss a news story about party safety and ask your teen how they would handle a similar situation. 
5. Set clear expectations: Clearly communicate your expectations  AND  the reasons behind them. 
   • Example: Explain why you want your teen to check in with you periodically during the party. 
6. Encourage questions: Invite your teen to ask questions and express their thoughts. 
   • Example: Ask, "Do you have any concerns about the party?" to support open communication. 

By being open, setting clear expectations and practicing scenarios, you can help your teen navigate parties safely and make responsible decisions. Remember, your influence as a parent is crucial in guiding them through these social situations.